Category: Acceptance

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Always looking, never seeing

by: Jessica Lynne Trese
What would it mean to stop looking and actually SEE?

I have spent the majority of my life looking for something. Looking for approval, looking for love, looking for validation, looking for happiness, looking everywhere for what was missing in my heart, for what was missing in my life. I looked to others, I looked to money, I looked to partners, I looked to material possessions…basically, I looked outward.

This constant LOOKING finally led me to a yoga mat.

I was looking for peace of mind, looking for something more in my life, looking for a healthier body. As I began practicing yoga regularly, my pattern of looking outward for validation and happiness continued. I would look for approval, look for new poses, look for the next accomplishment.

All of this looking was to fill something that was missing in my life.

And where did this get me? I found pain, suffering, frustration, loneliness and isolation.

But, with the help of some really amazing teachers along the way, I was led to turn inward and observe. I finally learned to calm down my monkey mind enough to start to see and witness my inner landscape.

Instead of looking outward to receive what I needed, I found a path to turn inward.

And there it was revealed, everything I was seeking was inside me all along. Like the tearful moment when Dorothy realizes she could have been swept back to Kansas at any moment, I found myself rushed with the overwhelming knowledge that I had everything I was looking for me inside me already.

तदा द्रष्टुः स्वरूपेऽवस्थानम् ॥३॥
tadā draṣṭuḥ svarūpe-‘vasthānaṃ ॥1.3॥

And then, the seer abides in His own nature.

By practicing yoga, you can lead your self toward bliss and supreme connectivity. Or, you can also be led toward more suffering.

The intention beneath your practice is what matters the most.

What are you looking for on your mat?

What do you SEE when you look within?


* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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What’s the deal with the drishti (dṛṣṭi)?

by: Jessica Lynne Trese

We hear it a lot from our teachers: ‘gaze hear, gaze there.’

But why?

Our yoga practice is meant to focus the mind, while healing the body and increasing our overall vital energy.

A combined concentration on these three practices opens the doorway to a moving meditation and allows our yoga practice to transform into a comprehensive healing system.

The poses are there for the health of the body. The breath allows us to connect to and increase our vital energy. And the dṛṣṭi (gazing point) is how we focus the mind.

Wherever your gaze goes, so does your mind. So, if your gaze is dancing all around the room, watching other practitioners, and/or watching yourself in the mirror; then your mind is also bouncing around, unfocused and distracted.

Give your mind the gift of focus and keep your gaze steady. When the suggested gaze is not possible, keep your gaze focused close by, either on your own mat or somewhere on your body.

focused gaze = focused mind


* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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Returning the Mat

by: Jessica Lynne Trese
Samasthiti Feet
I hadn’t practiced in 18 weeks and the idea of stepping back on my mat was a little overwhelming. I started practicing Ashtanga Yoga in 2007 and since then, I’ve never taken this much time away from my practice.

There are so many reasons we can get pulled away from our mat: injury, pregnancy, depression, illness and sometimes laziness. For me, it happens to be a joyous reason, but the idea of trying to ‘rebuild’ my practice after four and a half months off still brought up all of my old patterns of perfectionism and avoidance (if I can’t get it ‘perfect’ I have a history of just avoiding it).

Baby TreseIt is recommended that women rest from their Ashtanga practice during the first trimester of pregnancy. This is a very delicate time in the gestational process and most women are guided to let their bodies lead the process without adding a strong practice to the mix. For me, this hiatus began with standard first trimester rest, and then some complications led me from voluntary rest to limited activity as ordered by my Doctor. We also had a few more bumps in the road which kept me away from my mat for another month.

And then, it was time, little bundle was safe and healthy, and I was cleared to resume normal pregnant activity.

The first week back was tougher than I could have ever imagined. I tried, but all I seemed to be able to pull out of myself were sun salutations. And it wasn’t easy, most days I wanted to just quit practicing. My mind was distracted and disconnected, my body was stiff and resistant and my heart was unrestful as I moved through these familiar motions.

But after the first week of struggling, I finally started to feel excitement as I stepped on my mat each day, and with it along came some additional physical strength and stamina to practice more than only sun salutations. I’m in the process of reconnecting to my practice, and the moments of interconnectedness are beginning to grow again, slowly I’m seeing more frequent peacefulness in my practice.

19weeks Baby BumpI know I will never ‘get back to where I was,’ because that moment has passed and this moment is an entirely new experience. And I also know I will once again find ease and grace on my mat, a brand new and also familiar experience in each fresh moment, and in each familiar pose. I will once again grab my heels in kapotasana, and find lightness as I drop back, it will come.

But it won’t come as a RE-creation of what was. It will come as a simultaneously familiar and entirely brand new experience as I move through my practice each day.

General guidelines for practicing Ashtanga Yoga during Pregnancy




* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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What does it really mean to practice non-attachment?

by: Jessica Lynne Trese (Moore)

Vairagya, non-attachment, gets thrown around a lot during yoga classes and discussions on yoga philosophy. But what does it really mean to practice non-attachment?

Often times, non-attachment gets interpreted as indifference. As students we hear ‘practice non-attachment’ and we think, ‘ok, I just need to stop caring about everything.’ WRONG.

To me, non-attachment can only be practiced in the presence of pure connection. Non-attachment means connecting to the present moment, without trying to control it.

Connection is the key to non-attachment.

In order to practice non-attachment, we must reside within the exchange of energy in each and every moment without trying to control it. We must give our energy freely, with kind and honest intentions, and genuinely experience what each moment has to offer.

We Are All ConnectedIt’s possible the whole reason we are here on this earth is to CONNECT. Maybe our purpose is solely to connect to our Self, to connect to each other, to connect to the Divine, which is present in and around all of us. Connection could possibly be the goal of our entire journey. Honest connection, without trying to control what comes back to us, but accepting what comes for exactly what it is.

And when we roll out our mat everyday, the goal is not to preform asanas but to connect to the Divine within our hearts even when our situation seems impossible.

Live This MomentAnd when we fail, when we are faced with a task which appears unfeasible we find the strength to continue wholeheartedly, and without attachment to the outcome of our efforts.

We practice the poses to feel and experience the present moment within each pose, and when we don’t catch the bind or stick the landing, we accept the outcome without remorse, judgment or anger. And when we do manage to accomplish the impossible, we accept it graciously, and then move on to the next moment with joy in our heart.



* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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Some Truth About Ashtanga Yoga

By: Jessica Lynne Trese (Moore)

Sometimes Ashtanga Yoga can get a bad reputation in the yoga community. It’s called the ‘fitness yoga’ and all the students are closed-minded because they practice the same ‘routine’ everyday. And Ashtangis are known for being a little over the top with our adherence to ‘the rules of Ashtanga.’

Is Ashtanga Yoga ‘fitness yoga?’

No, not the way most people think of fitness routines. Our asana practice (postures) is meant to heat up the body, to cleanse, purify and enliven the physical body from the inside out.

A more fitting description would be ‘body healing yoga’ because we find balance, ease and health throughout the physical body from the physical asana practice.

Are we closed-minded because we practice the same ‘routine’ everyday?

Not even close! We open our minds, and hearts up to the subtle nuances of in-depth study. Ashtanga Yoga is used as a tool to turn inward and by taking the same ‘route’ inward each day we can start to notice the more subtle changes in the body. We can start to notice the more subtle changes in our hearts.

Taking a different route inward everyday you can miss the subtle changes in YOU!

Are we over the top in following ‘the rules of Ashtanga’?

Not really. Yes, there are some rules/guidelines that we stick to. Ashtanga Yoga is a tool for Self-transformation, and the rules/guidelines show us how to use this tool.

Simply by surrendering to the ‘rules’ of Ashtanga Yoga our transformation begins. The ‘rules’ show us what to do and when we let the mind surrender to this method, it can finally rest and stop trying to control every single thing. Then we can start to truly experience the present moment; the moment is no longer colored by the mind’s wish to have it be something else.  Presence and stillness can reside within the mind.

All those who practice the Ashtanga Yoga method for a long time, without break and with devotion have experienced the way the practice allows the light in our hearts to shine. Illuminating the present moment with acceptance, peace, gratitude and joy.

And the most amazing part of this practice is the Ashtanga Yoga Community. Our community spans the globe, and no matter how far one of us travels, if we find another Ashtanga student, we will have found a piece of our heart. Even if we don’t speak the same language, we can speak to each other through the language of our practice. A global community of people, each one dedicated to working on being the best version of their own Self as possible.


 


* About Jessica

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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Yoga Brings Out The Worst In Me…

By: Jessica Lynne Trese
Hate, fear, anxiety, anger, doubt, judgement – they all come flooding to the surface and they bring up all of my buried crap along the way. The more I practice yoga, the more I find my personal pain coming to the surface – and I LOVE it!!!

I went to my first yoga class after the um-teenth friend suggested I just try it. The suggestions always came up during discussions of spirituality and the meaning of life. Inevitably, the conversation would lead to this recurring phrase: ‘You know, you should really try yoga.’

So one day I did. And it was awesome! I felt great! All of the sudden, I had never felt better in my body. I was calmer, more present and had more energy. I was hooked! Yoga would be in my life forever.

I had no idea how choosing to include yoga in my life would transform my heart and soul. Yoga has allowed me to experience the peace of truly being comfortable with who I am.

This experience of yoga has not always been pleasant, and it doesn’t always feel good. There has been pain. There has been anger, fear, doubt, frustration and more. At the same time, it has been the most wonderful addition to my my life and has brought me more overall health, happiness and joy than anything I’ve ever tried before!

This practice of yoga continues to dredge the lake of my soul and shines light into the darkest corners of my heart, revealing all the shadows I have buried away, and had hoped to never see again. Having to re-experience this past pain is not easy.

My regular Ashtanga practice teaches me to observe my internal fluctuations. I’ve learned to watch the emotions and feelings as they come to the surface and instead of allowing myself to get wrapped up in all the pain and suffering I’ve buried, I am able to remain neutral… well neutral-ish.

Before yoga, neutral wasn’t possible for me. I was easily weighed down by experiences of sadness and grief. I would look for ways to burry and numb these feelings so I could just go back to feeling happy.

But because of the work I do on my yoga mat each day, I now realize when these feelings come up, it’s more than just a time to be reminded of the pain, it’s also an opportunity to release the pain once and for all.

If I can watch the emotions and pain as they come up, without holding onto them, they can finally be released. I can finally let them go, one at a time. And all of the sudden I am no longer weighted down by that pain and my heart is lighter.

Yoga has given me freedom. Freedom to be happy. Freedom to be who I am without the weight of past suffering. Freedom to experience and receive pure LOVE from the world around me. Freedom to give love to the world around me. Freedom.


* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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Into The Shadows – the elusive search for happiness in Ashtanga Yoga

A question from a long-time student:

“Some days, the Ashtanga practice leaves me feeling peaceful, light and joyful. Then other days I’m left feeling grumpy, and tight with heaps of unpleasant feelings bubbling up inside. What the h*** is wrong with me?!?!”

Here are my thoughts:

The practice of Ashtanga Yoga shines a light in our hearts, it shines a light on our true Self. And it’s not until this light is shone that our darkest and deepest shadows are finally revealed. They are revealed as a part of the path to healing, a part of the path to happiness, but at first, they are often painful, and they sometimes cause sadness, frustration and/or anger.

Yoga is a practice of turning inward and connecting with the true Self, the light, the divine, the God within each one of us. But first, Yoga asks us to begin by calming our mind, trying to tame the monkey mind.

The monkey mind creates fluctuations in the mind like the ripples created from throwing pebbles into a lake; one thought, one pebble creates ripples that expand outward and continue rippling long after the pebble first broke the surface of the water. If we can start to calm these fluctuations, begin to still the waters of the mind, only then can we begin to see the true reflection of our Self. Only then can the light begin to shine, allowing us to see the shadows lying deep within.

While the initial work of calming the mind is crucial, it really is only the beginning of the journey. Once the mind is calm, then we’re finally able to actually see the shadows which have been buried in the depths of our consciousness. Like debris, which has settled on the bottom of the lake, long forgotten, these shadows are still there, shaping the landscape of our mind, and altering our behavior and thought patterns whether we realize it or not.

Ashtanga Yoga provides an opportunity to dredge this lake of the mind, an opportunity to finally remove the debris which no longer serves us, chipping away at the shadows which cause us suffering, this is the real work of Ashtanga Yoga, and this is the really really hard work of Ashtanga Yoga.

This is also the best work we can do for our Self, the best work we can do for our world.

As these shadows of our consciousness are revealed, in some way, we must re-experience them. We must accept that they are there, and then we have a choice to make. The choice to either continue carrying them around buried within our minds, allowing these shadows to shape who we are. Or we can start to release them, facing them honestly as we begin to clear away the debris, and let the light of the Divine shine on these shadows, filling our hearts and our lives with peace and light.

So, if you sometimes feel grumpy in or after your practice, maybe that’s OK – maybe it can be another way for us to heal if we let ourselves honestly surrender to the process of releasing past pain and suffering. But, it is our choice. We can choose to release the shadows and rise above the suffering of our conditioned minds. Or not, and continue to let these shadows rule our consciousness.

About Jessica

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Standing up from back-bending – how I overcame my fears

When practicing Ashtanga Yoga in the Mysore room, students begin a deep and intense series of back-bending toward the end of Primary Series. It begins by doing your back-bends on the floor (urdhva dhanurasana) and then standing-up from this position. Next you learn how to move backward from a standing position to land in urdhva dhanurasana, and then come back up to a standing position again. And then repeat. And then repeat.

This was a HUGE challenge for me. For a while, I thought I would never be able to do it.

The Ashtanga Yoga practice is an intense practice of Self-Discovery and HEALING and the journey is unique for each person. This practice is not only physically demanding, it’s emotionally demanding as well. The practice leads students inward, toward their TRUE SELF, allowing them to live happier, more honest and peaceful lives. On this journey, students will no doubt encounter painful, challenging and even frightening moments. It is in these moments when we really learn the most about our self. It is through these painful, challenging and frightening moments when the real yoga happens and we can start to break down the conditioned patterns that we need to let go.

It is in these moments that we are able to grow as humans, for if we truly want to heal and move past the pain in our life, we have to stop locking it tightly inside our hearts, we have to let it rise to the surface. We have to stop denying its presence. Only then can these destructive patterns finally be released.

When I first began dropping-back a few years ago, I was fearless. I fell on my head, I jammed my fingers, I fell on my butt, I fell forward onto my knees – and, I still kept doing it, everyday. To me, it was fun; it was an adventure – ‘what’s going to happen this time’?!?! And eventually, I was able to control my decent and land in urdhva dhanurasana consistently, and sometimes even gracefully.

But, when it came to standing up from the back-bends I just couldn’t do it. I was terrified. And worst of all, I had no idea why I was so scared of this part of the back-bending sequence. I understood the mechanics of what I wanted to do; I just couldn’t find the path within me to articulate the movement. There was something blocking me, something beyond physicality. Something within me was holding me back.

Then, one night I dreamt of my practice. In my dream, I was practicing in Mysore, India with Guruji and Sharath in the room. When it came time for my back-drops, Guruji looked in my eyes and simply said ‘No fear, you stand up.’ My dream was so vivid, so real I can still clearly remember his voice, the look in his eyes when he said this to me. So, in my dream I took a big breath in, dropped back to my hands and then… I did it. I stood up from my back-bend!!!! Somehow, in my dream I found the way to send my pelvis forward, and engage my legs so I could stand on my own from back-bending. It was amazing!!!

I awoke with a wonderful feeling in my heart, I felt Guruji had come to me in my dream to help me. I had his guidance to show me I really could do it. And it was simple, ‘no fear, you stand up’. I was excited to practice that day, I was excited to see how my body responded to this new sub-conscious experience. At the same time, I wondered why I was so afraid of standing up for myself.

I was afraid to stand up for myself.

That was it, once again the practice shed light on a part of my life, a part of my heart, I had been avoiding up until now. I’ve always been nervous about standing up for myself and my feelings. I have always been unsure about sharing what’s in my heart. I’m afraid I won’t be able to convey my message clearly. I worry about what others will think of me. I afraid people will judge me for speaking up for myself. I worry people will see me as selfish or egotistical. I afraid of being told what I’m feeling is wrong.

It was then that I realized I was smothering this part of heart, the part that needed to speak-up, the part that needed to be heard. All because I was afraid of what other people would think. This pattern has been with me since childhood, I was taught that my feelings were wrong, I was taught not to trust myself, not to trust my heart.

But, the practice has allowed me to clear away the chaos of the mind (at least a little bit) so I am starting to find the confidence to share my heart in a way others can understand. The practice has allowed me to look inside my heart, inside my Self, to start to see who I really am – instead of seeing who I thought everyone else wanted me to be.

Finally, I’m starting to learn that it’s absolutely perfect to just be me.

I’m beginning to find the openness, the freedom that comes with letting myself be vulnerable and completely my SELF. And it is AMAZING!!!!!! And, I can also stand up from back-bends now, but it’s not about the poses, it’s about the experience, the JOURNEY inside that really matters.


* About Jessica

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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