Category: Pain

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Always looking, never seeing

by: Jessica Lynne Trese
What would it mean to stop looking and actually SEE?

I have spent the majority of my life looking for something. Looking for approval, looking for love, looking for validation, looking for happiness, looking everywhere for what was missing in my heart, for what was missing in my life. I looked to others, I looked to money, I looked to partners, I looked to material possessions…basically, I looked outward.

This constant LOOKING finally led me to a yoga mat.

I was looking for peace of mind, looking for something more in my life, looking for a healthier body. As I began practicing yoga regularly, my pattern of looking outward for validation and happiness continued. I would look for approval, look for new poses, look for the next accomplishment.

All of this looking was to fill something that was missing in my life.

And where did this get me? I found pain, suffering, frustration, loneliness and isolation.

But, with the help of some really amazing teachers along the way, I was led to turn inward and observe. I finally learned to calm down my monkey mind enough to start to see and witness my inner landscape.

Instead of looking outward to receive what I needed, I found a path to turn inward.

And there it was revealed, everything I was seeking was inside me all along. Like the tearful moment when Dorothy realizes she could have been swept back to Kansas at any moment, I found myself rushed with the overwhelming knowledge that I had everything I was looking for me inside me already.

तदा द्रष्टुः स्वरूपेऽवस्थानम् ॥३॥
tadā draṣṭuḥ svarūpe-‘vasthānaṃ ॥1.3॥

And then, the seer abides in His own nature.

By practicing yoga, you can lead your self toward bliss and supreme connectivity. Or, you can also be led toward more suffering.

The intention beneath your practice is what matters the most.

What are you looking for on your mat?

What do you SEE when you look within?


* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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Into The Shadows – the elusive search for happiness in Ashtanga Yoga

A question from a long-time student:

“Some days, the Ashtanga practice leaves me feeling peaceful, light and joyful. Then other days I’m left feeling grumpy, and tight with heaps of unpleasant feelings bubbling up inside. What the h*** is wrong with me?!?!”

Here are my thoughts:

The practice of Ashtanga Yoga shines a light in our hearts, it shines a light on our true Self. And it’s not until this light is shone that our darkest and deepest shadows are finally revealed. They are revealed as a part of the path to healing, a part of the path to happiness, but at first, they are often painful, and they sometimes cause sadness, frustration and/or anger.

Yoga is a practice of turning inward and connecting with the true Self, the light, the divine, the God within each one of us. But first, Yoga asks us to begin by calming our mind, trying to tame the monkey mind.

The monkey mind creates fluctuations in the mind like the ripples created from throwing pebbles into a lake; one thought, one pebble creates ripples that expand outward and continue rippling long after the pebble first broke the surface of the water. If we can start to calm these fluctuations, begin to still the waters of the mind, only then can we begin to see the true reflection of our Self. Only then can the light begin to shine, allowing us to see the shadows lying deep within.

While the initial work of calming the mind is crucial, it really is only the beginning of the journey. Once the mind is calm, then we’re finally able to actually see the shadows which have been buried in the depths of our consciousness. Like debris, which has settled on the bottom of the lake, long forgotten, these shadows are still there, shaping the landscape of our mind, and altering our behavior and thought patterns whether we realize it or not.

Ashtanga Yoga provides an opportunity to dredge this lake of the mind, an opportunity to finally remove the debris which no longer serves us, chipping away at the shadows which cause us suffering, this is the real work of Ashtanga Yoga, and this is the really really hard work of Ashtanga Yoga.

This is also the best work we can do for our Self, the best work we can do for our world.

As these shadows of our consciousness are revealed, in some way, we must re-experience them. We must accept that they are there, and then we have a choice to make. The choice to either continue carrying them around buried within our minds, allowing these shadows to shape who we are. Or we can start to release them, facing them honestly as we begin to clear away the debris, and let the light of the Divine shine on these shadows, filling our hearts and our lives with peace and light.

So, if you sometimes feel grumpy in or after your practice, maybe that’s OK – maybe it can be another way for us to heal if we let ourselves honestly surrender to the process of releasing past pain and suffering. But, it is our choice. We can choose to release the shadows and rise above the suffering of our conditioned minds. Or not, and continue to let these shadows rule our consciousness.

About Jessica

Upcoming Events & Workshops

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Keeping Guruji with you when you practice

Last summer, in one of Sharath’s conferences, he was talking to us about the importance of practicing with one teacher, when a student asked ‘What if jobs, family and finances won’t allow us to make it to Mysore to practice with you every year?’ The essence of Sharath’s answer was this: When you can’t practice with your teacher, place a picture of Guruji wherever you are practicing and he will be there. Sharath’s answers may seem simple, but they are truly powerful.

I often practice by myself, with no teacher. This leaves me on my own to complete my practice, to find the motivation to do each vinyasa, to find the stillness to practice breathing and presence in each moment. And honestly, it’s really hard sometimes. Sometimes I don’t want to practice, sometimes I feel doubt, and yes, sometimes I feel pain. Then I hear Sharath’s words: ‘place a picture of Guruji where ever you practice and he will be there’ and I practice anyway, with Guruji’s eyes smiling at me from his photo.

On my first trip to Mysore I met Guruji. He touched my heart, changed my practice and changed my life with only a few words. I’m so grateful for the moments I had with Guruji. And the teachings I’ve received from Sharath are priceless, I hear his voice when I practice, I remember his encouragement, I see his smile.

In the grand scheme of things, our daily asana practices are the steps along the journey of Self-discovery that is Yoga. Asthanga Yoga is a journey inward, a journey to reveal your true Self. Along this journey, we will feel pain, we will experience doubt, frustration, and we might even cry. We will also find stillness, release anger, grow and evolve in ways we never dreamed possible. But we will only reap the benefits of this practice if we actually do it, if we actually practice.

And then, in the midst of those feelings of doubt and frustration, when we’re able to roll out our mat and practice anyway; the benefits of the practice are able to fill our heart, to fill our life!

And so, I practice. Even on the days I have doubt. And especially on the days when I just don’t want to. I roll out my mat, and light a candle beside Guruji’s picture and I practice. I see Guruji’s smile, I remember his words and I see the joy in his eyes and along with Sharath’s teachings woven into the fabric of my practice, I am able to continue a daily practice. I’m able to continue along this path of Self-discovery.


* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

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Surrendering to love

It seems simple enough. Giving yourself up to possibly the most powerful experience in life… Love.

BUT, it’s just not that easy.

It can be tough to move past the walls we’ve built, to move away from the pain, or hurt or fear. Sometimes it can be hard to let yourself experience love. To let yourself be vulnerable enough to really experience L-O-V-E. Life can leave its scars on us, scars we sometimes can’t even see. Scars that can keep us from following our heart, from taking that risk, from following that dream. But there is HOPE!

It is possible to move beyond the pain, it’s possible to open your heart again, no matter how closed off it might be.

It starts by surrendering. Letting go of expectations. Accepting each moment for all that it is, even when it’s not what you want it to be. Letting yourself be vulnerable. Letting yourself open. It will probably be hard at first; actually it will probably be REALLY hard at first. But one moment of surrendering can lead to another, and another, and then one day, another. And then, almost divinely, you find yourself experiencing love in each and every moment. Suddenly, love can fill your actions and fill your thoughts. You may find yourself looking up to the trees and experiencing love as the leaves dance and play in the breeze. You’ll start seeing love in the faces of strangers. Hearing it in the raindrops. You’ll feel love EVERYWHERE, and that is SUCH an amazing feeling!

Let yourself surrender to love, surrender to the rhythm of life.

About Jessica

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OUCH!!!! When your yoga practice HURTS!!!

It’s been about six months, and I have been experiencing a string of injuries and ongoing physical pain in my body, my yoga practice and in my daily life. Consisting of a hamstring injury, a low back injury, knee pain, and continual discomfort on the entire left side of my body, and you know what?!?! It SUCKS!!!!

Using yoga as a method to explore my body (and my life), I have continued my daily practice. It is through this practice that I have begun to do the seemingly impossible!!!! I am actually beginning to feel genuine gratitude for my injuries! That’s right, gratitude!!!

Yoga is a practice of Self-discovery, a practice of presence, a practice of accepting your Self for who you are in each moment, flaws and all. Teachers and practitioners alike will confirm, emotional pains and blockages can and DO manifest themselves physically (usually as pain or excessive tension) in our bodies, and the practice of yoga brings these up to the surface for us to experience and hopefully one day release. And this physical pain is giving me a beautiful opportunity to explore and release some of those blockages!

After all, it is only when the light shines on a dark room that we are finally able to see the room’s shadows.

Practicing Ashtanga Yoga gives students a unique experience – a ‘constant’ in our daily lives. By practicing the same poses day in and day out, we are able to actually feel and experience the subtle and sometimes dramatic changes in our body that happen day-to-day. This provides students with an opportunity to cultivate a sense of objectivity and non-attachment to these daily changes allowing us to clearly see the areas where we have the opportunity to evolve and grow. And that’s what it’s all about.

And so, I keep practicing. Every day. Opening myself up and accepting the challenges presented to me. Acknowledging the times when I close my heart off. Accepting that even though I practice the same poses each day, they’re not going to feel the same every day. This is why I practice. It is this objectivity, this path of Self-discovery that makes yoga what it is.

Ideally, our yoga practice would feel like a dream everyday but it doesn’t… The trick is to keep practicing. Some days it might just be Sun Salutations but keep practicing. The only way to continue along our path of Self-discovery through yoga is to continue it.

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