Category: Vulnerability

Posted on

Always looking, never seeing

by: Jessica Lynne Trese
What would it mean to stop looking and actually SEE?

I have spent the majority of my life looking for something. Looking for approval, looking for love, looking for validation, looking for happiness, looking everywhere for what was missing in my heart, for what was missing in my life. I looked to others, I looked to money, I looked to partners, I looked to material possessions…basically, I looked outward.

This constant LOOKING finally led me to a yoga mat.

I was looking for peace of mind, looking for something more in my life, looking for a healthier body. As I began practicing yoga regularly, my pattern of looking outward for validation and happiness continued. I would look for approval, look for new poses, look for the next accomplishment.

All of this looking was to fill something that was missing in my life.

And where did this get me? I found pain, suffering, frustration, loneliness and isolation.

But, with the help of some really amazing teachers along the way, I was led to turn inward and observe. I finally learned to calm down my monkey mind enough to start to see and witness my inner landscape.

Instead of looking outward to receive what I needed, I found a path to turn inward.

And there it was revealed, everything I was seeking was inside me all along. Like the tearful moment when Dorothy realizes she could have been swept back to Kansas at any moment, I found myself rushed with the overwhelming knowledge that I had everything I was looking for me inside me already.

तदा द्रष्टुः स्वरूपेऽवस्थानम् ॥३॥
tadā draṣṭuḥ svarūpe-‘vasthānaṃ ॥1.3॥

And then, the seer abides in His own nature.

By practicing yoga, you can lead your self toward bliss and supreme connectivity. Or, you can also be led toward more suffering.

The intention beneath your practice is what matters the most.

What are you looking for on your mat?

What do you SEE when you look within?


* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

You Might Also Enjoy:

Posted on

Into The Shadows – the elusive search for happiness in Ashtanga Yoga

A question from a long-time student:

“Some days, the Ashtanga practice leaves me feeling peaceful, light and joyful. Then other days I’m left feeling grumpy, and tight with heaps of unpleasant feelings bubbling up inside. What the h*** is wrong with me?!?!”

Here are my thoughts:

The practice of Ashtanga Yoga shines a light in our hearts, it shines a light on our true Self. And it’s not until this light is shone that our darkest and deepest shadows are finally revealed. They are revealed as a part of the path to healing, a part of the path to happiness, but at first, they are often painful, and they sometimes cause sadness, frustration and/or anger.

Yoga is a practice of turning inward and connecting with the true Self, the light, the divine, the God within each one of us. But first, Yoga asks us to begin by calming our mind, trying to tame the monkey mind.

The monkey mind creates fluctuations in the mind like the ripples created from throwing pebbles into a lake; one thought, one pebble creates ripples that expand outward and continue rippling long after the pebble first broke the surface of the water. If we can start to calm these fluctuations, begin to still the waters of the mind, only then can we begin to see the true reflection of our Self. Only then can the light begin to shine, allowing us to see the shadows lying deep within.

While the initial work of calming the mind is crucial, it really is only the beginning of the journey. Once the mind is calm, then we’re finally able to actually see the shadows which have been buried in the depths of our consciousness. Like debris, which has settled on the bottom of the lake, long forgotten, these shadows are still there, shaping the landscape of our mind, and altering our behavior and thought patterns whether we realize it or not.

Ashtanga Yoga provides an opportunity to dredge this lake of the mind, an opportunity to finally remove the debris which no longer serves us, chipping away at the shadows which cause us suffering, this is the real work of Ashtanga Yoga, and this is the really really hard work of Ashtanga Yoga.

This is also the best work we can do for our Self, the best work we can do for our world.

As these shadows of our consciousness are revealed, in some way, we must re-experience them. We must accept that they are there, and then we have a choice to make. The choice to either continue carrying them around buried within our minds, allowing these shadows to shape who we are. Or we can start to release them, facing them honestly as we begin to clear away the debris, and let the light of the Divine shine on these shadows, filling our hearts and our lives with peace and light.

So, if you sometimes feel grumpy in or after your practice, maybe that’s OK – maybe it can be another way for us to heal if we let ourselves honestly surrender to the process of releasing past pain and suffering. But, it is our choice. We can choose to release the shadows and rise above the suffering of our conditioned minds. Or not, and continue to let these shadows rule our consciousness.

About Jessica

Upcoming Events & Workshops

You Might Also Enjoy:

Posted on

5 ways to find JOY!! Even when you’ve got the GRUMPS!!

We all have grumpy days, it happens sometimes. You wake up one morning and the day just lacks its usual luster. Where there is usually a warm, glowing, ball of beautiful life giving energy in the sky, you see the sun as merely a hot, bright, blinding headache instead. Not fun. And when you wake up feeling bummed it can easily change your entire day – usually for the worse.

What’s a normally happy human to do when all you’re feeling is grumpy?

 

Try these techniques and see if you can change your perception and as a result, change your grumpy mood into one that is a little brighter and more enjoyable!!!

  • 1. Change your scenery and get out in nature!!
    Just a few moments in nature can alter your mood significantly, find a beautiful spot to sit and breathe, even if you only have five minutes. Absorb the sunlight, observe the colors and textures painted on our earth, breathe in the fresh air and feel your connection to your surroundings! Can’t get outside today, that’s ok, just PRETEND!!!! Close your eyes and imagine a beautiful place in nature, maybe some place you’ve been before, or maybe some place you’re dreaming of visiting. Find a quite place to sit for five minutes, close your eyes and let your imagination paint a scene in nature for you to absorb and observe. Notice the colors of the landscape, imagine the sounds you would hear, and let yourself find stillness.

    •  

  • 2. Spend time with people you love!
    Take a couple of minutes to call, text or visit with a friend or family member you care about. Ask them about their day, tell them you love them or send them a wish for success in their day. Sometimes stepping out of your head to connect with someone else is all you need to start feeling a little better!

    •  

  • 3. SING!!!!
    Turn up your favorite song and let it out!!!!!! Find a place where you can have privacy and let yourself get lost in a few of your favorite songs. Be silly. Dance. Sing. And don’t worry about how it sounds, how it looks or whether you’re singing the same words as the artist – just let yourself have fun and enjoy the experience of connecting to music!

    •  

  • 4. Go for a walk!
    Whether it’s for five minutes or one hour, physical activity can change our state of mind for the better.

    •  

  • 5. Do something nice for a stranger!
    Random acts of kindness can really help elevate your mood, so even when you’re feeling grumpy, practice a random act of kindness and it might help elevate your mood. Hold the door open for the person behind you. Let someone go ahead of you in line at the store. Smile at a stranger.

No one really like being in a grumpy mood, so when you notice your mood starts to sail south, try to take steps to counter your mood and you might find you can rise above that grumpy mood before it ruins your day.

A yoga practice can show us the power of our perception. When we practice asanas (yoga postures) we are able to see how altering our view of a situation can change our experience. Suddenly a frustrating experience turns in o a beautiful opportunity to learn more about yourself, and the experience transforms from something you were resisting to something you’re embracing.

That’s pretty awesome, if we can learn to control our perception, we can ultimately control our reality, at least on some level that is. We learn to change our responses to events, feelings and even start to appreciate the lessons in the most challenging situations.

 

About Jessica

Upcoming Events & Workshops


You Might Also Enjoy:

  • Yoga and the quest to Know it ALL!!!
    Yoga is a journey of Self-Discovery, a journey of knowledge. And along this path we will learn a LOT. The journey inspires curiosity and awakens a ‘thirst’ for knowledge within the practitioners…
  • Standing up from back-bending – a lesson in vulnerability
    The Ashtanga Yoga practice is an intense practice of Self-Discovery and HEALING and the journey is unique for each person. This practice is not only physically demanding, it’s emotionally demanding as well…
  • Keeping Guruji With You When You Practice
    Last summer, in one of Sharath’s conferences, he was talking to us about the importance of practicing with one teacher, when a student asked ‘What if jobs, family and finances won’t allow us to make it to Mysore to practice with you every year?’….
  • The Heart of Ashtanga Yoga: The Tristhana Method
    Asthanga Yoga method provides an opportunity for practitioners to practice releasing these distractions and focusing the mind on one single point. Thus, leading students on a path of Self-discovery…..
  • Ashtanga Yoga is a breath practice. Seriously, it REALLY is!!!!
    Walk in to any Mysore class around the world and the first two things you will probably notice are the breath and the postures. All the students in the room are moving at their own pace, with focused minds, graceful movements and the same deep, steady and even breath. There is a rhythm to this breath. It has an almost hypnotic quality, continually drawing students inward to the present moment. Allowing them to experience their yoga practice for all it is in each moment…
  • The Seven Words That Changed My Practice
    It was 2008, I was traveling in India for the first time and immersing myself in Ashtanga Yoga. I’ll be honest, when I first traveled to Mysore, I was not a dedicated Ashtanga practitioner. I LOVED Ashtanga Yoga, I just didn’t practice it 6 days a week. Yet, I was ready to dive in and see what it would be like to commit to the daily Asthanga practice.
    At this time, Guruji was still with us…

 

 

Posted on

Standing up from back-bending – how I overcame my fears

When practicing Ashtanga Yoga in the Mysore room, students begin a deep and intense series of back-bending toward the end of Primary Series. It begins by doing your back-bends on the floor (urdhva dhanurasana) and then standing-up from this position. Next you learn how to move backward from a standing position to land in urdhva dhanurasana, and then come back up to a standing position again. And then repeat. And then repeat.

This was a HUGE challenge for me. For a while, I thought I would never be able to do it.

The Ashtanga Yoga practice is an intense practice of Self-Discovery and HEALING and the journey is unique for each person. This practice is not only physically demanding, it’s emotionally demanding as well. The practice leads students inward, toward their TRUE SELF, allowing them to live happier, more honest and peaceful lives. On this journey, students will no doubt encounter painful, challenging and even frightening moments. It is in these moments when we really learn the most about our self. It is through these painful, challenging and frightening moments when the real yoga happens and we can start to break down the conditioned patterns that we need to let go.

It is in these moments that we are able to grow as humans, for if we truly want to heal and move past the pain in our life, we have to stop locking it tightly inside our hearts, we have to let it rise to the surface. We have to stop denying its presence. Only then can these destructive patterns finally be released.

When I first began dropping-back a few years ago, I was fearless. I fell on my head, I jammed my fingers, I fell on my butt, I fell forward onto my knees – and, I still kept doing it, everyday. To me, it was fun; it was an adventure – ‘what’s going to happen this time’?!?! And eventually, I was able to control my decent and land in urdhva dhanurasana consistently, and sometimes even gracefully.

But, when it came to standing up from the back-bends I just couldn’t do it. I was terrified. And worst of all, I had no idea why I was so scared of this part of the back-bending sequence. I understood the mechanics of what I wanted to do; I just couldn’t find the path within me to articulate the movement. There was something blocking me, something beyond physicality. Something within me was holding me back.

Then, one night I dreamt of my practice. In my dream, I was practicing in Mysore, India with Guruji and Sharath in the room. When it came time for my back-drops, Guruji looked in my eyes and simply said ‘No fear, you stand up.’ My dream was so vivid, so real I can still clearly remember his voice, the look in his eyes when he said this to me. So, in my dream I took a big breath in, dropped back to my hands and then… I did it. I stood up from my back-bend!!!! Somehow, in my dream I found the way to send my pelvis forward, and engage my legs so I could stand on my own from back-bending. It was amazing!!!

I awoke with a wonderful feeling in my heart, I felt Guruji had come to me in my dream to help me. I had his guidance to show me I really could do it. And it was simple, ‘no fear, you stand up’. I was excited to practice that day, I was excited to see how my body responded to this new sub-conscious experience. At the same time, I wondered why I was so afraid of standing up for myself.

I was afraid to stand up for myself.

That was it, once again the practice shed light on a part of my life, a part of my heart, I had been avoiding up until now. I’ve always been nervous about standing up for myself and my feelings. I have always been unsure about sharing what’s in my heart. I’m afraid I won’t be able to convey my message clearly. I worry about what others will think of me. I afraid people will judge me for speaking up for myself. I worry people will see me as selfish or egotistical. I afraid of being told what I’m feeling is wrong.

It was then that I realized I was smothering this part of heart, the part that needed to speak-up, the part that needed to be heard. All because I was afraid of what other people would think. This pattern has been with me since childhood, I was taught that my feelings were wrong, I was taught not to trust myself, not to trust my heart.

But, the practice has allowed me to clear away the chaos of the mind (at least a little bit) so I am starting to find the confidence to share my heart in a way others can understand. The practice has allowed me to look inside my heart, inside my Self, to start to see who I really am – instead of seeing who I thought everyone else wanted me to be.

Finally, I’m starting to learn that it’s absolutely perfect to just be me.

I’m beginning to find the openness, the freedom that comes with letting myself be vulnerable and completely my SELF. And it is AMAZING!!!!!! And, I can also stand up from back-bends now, but it’s not about the poses, it’s about the experience, the JOURNEY inside that really matters.


* About Jessica

* Upcoming Events & Workshops

* Apprenticeship Program

You Might Also Enjoy:

© 2012-2023, Yoga Chikitsa, LLC

All rights reserved

Proudly powered by WordPress